Monday, 4 July 2016


My life after the disease has been slowly squeezing my desire to make new things.

I have been slowly evolving but not in a good way. but I feel accompanied by the people around me, yet I feel alone on the problems that happen to me every day. It is a contradiction to live together but only once, eat this feeling inside me and not let me evolve as I wanted.
Many weekends I go out with my parents but I feel constant loneliness. I think this feeling has greatly influenced the fact of divorce and to see my son only on alternate weekends, days between these visits are eternal me. That little time I spend with him, squeeze as much as possible, but when it will invade me a deep sense of loneliness.
I love my life banish that feeling, but it seems impossible at the moment, overwhelms me, consumes me, makes me have negative thoughts and especially immobilizes me.
It is a feeling that can not be shared because people I have on my side do not understand that you can be with them and feel alone at a time.
I have a feeling that if I do not find this a couple next to me in those deeper feelings and understand, do not think you can eliminate.
I feel sometimes that can be thankless, because there are people who have no one and loneliness is forced, without possibility to change their situation.

On the other hand the help of professionals who are funneled I go in sickness and like trying to cure her, not engaged in the thought that comes over me and I can not deal with pills, therapy etc. ...

The few friends that I keep, it is very difficult for me to meet with them and not understand anything, and are within their lives with their homework.
Within this world around me, my life goes very monotone.
Every week look alike to me, without a new incentive in my life, the only lifeline is my son and hours I can be with him.
As I finish throwing a muffled cry about my situation and the desire to change this.
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