Friday, 15 July 2016


The bed eat when I want to get up and I can not, I run out of forces, it is impossible and see what I want but I can not lift.
If it were not for my mother who is raising me, I'd be all day inside. In the afternoon after lunch I want to sleep because I can no more by my illness and that I get worse, but I can not help it, I'm going to bed. Yesterday I put myself mourn and went to bed, I have to change the chip and go more because what frightens me is the street '' What nonsense !!!!! with so nice sun does.
I know I have to accept, especially for my son, I have to fight hard for it. Many times I have really wanted to live and not get into a bed because I'm losing my life, but others bed eat me.
A if I'm going to leave the bed and live, think me some good walks around the village. I have to accept that the bed is for night and for the day.


Thursday, 7 July 2016


I come from the relaxation session and I'm more than willing to write this article. A day of my life, the life of any person, may seem a short time, but it is not. If compartimentamos day in hours, minutes and seconds the time becomes longer and you can get more fruit. One day is long because the clock can be extended to an infinite relative and squeeze the juice to the maximum.
Compartmentalized time we feel that we have much more to live and to affirm with Roberto Benigni and Nicoletta Braschi that life is beautiful and it is because time is a wonderful place to live treasure. Time is life itself, time is a state of mind. No present or past or future. Times are states of the soul and not to differentiate at all.

We must always look to the present, which is the most immediate state of soul that exists. In reality we live in is an eternal present. Not to allow time shop us up and we delude ourselves into thinking that everything is always lived better than what we live in the present. And it is not like that. The present time gives us the feeling that we are more alive than ever and we have the absolute truth of all: that we are beings for present glory of our stock.
At the beginning of the day it is when I'm worse with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder, which are closely related. physically and mentally review everything in the house and all the things I have to do during the day or did the day before. It is an experience that causes me great suffering and that makes me feel the most miserable person in the world. In fact, I came to think that no one is worse than me. It is a spiritual and physical suffering that leaves me alone. Lasts two hours or more. Then, throughout the day, also review from time to time, but less the same things. 
This obsession will not let me live. I feel totally dependent on it and do not know how to overcome it. Sometimes I sense a glimmer of hope that makes me feel happy even have the disorder, but does not last long. It is a perishable happiness but worth being experienced because every little happiness is great. Here you can also say that life is beautiful because one has the will to be able to overcome adversity and move forward with the necessary to avoid falling into sinkholes even bigger force.
During the day I try to bring hope where there is none, for I find wrong. That hope sometimes only lasts a few minutes, but when I feel really comes and I consider myself a happy person, as opposed to the unfortunate person that I am when I am a victim of obsessive compulsive disorder. I am happy with the smallest things. I do not need big things to be happy. I just so tiny, seemingly inconsequential. But just fragmenting the time as said earlier article and then feel a moment of happiness has a huge wealth that multiplies to infinity if only lasts a small tract of time.
At night I usually watch TV, preferably sports programs or movies. I love movies and that helps me fill my articles after cinematic references. Cinema is a great source of education. Filmmaking is life. You always have to say as the song: more movies please. I have no preference for a specific genre. If the film is good gender is me indifferent.
At the end of the day I usually do a reflection in bed all that I have lived and happened to me. It's a quick reflection, just twenty minutes to see what I've done wrong and how I can improve the next day. I return to dialogue with God, but without praying, a direct conversation as in my book Grito. This dialogue helps me to ask the rest end, comfort and sleep and I usually fall asleep soon.
This is pretty much my day. I consider it quite rich but I am very demanding of myself and always want more, but less than all bad as my disorder. I hope this article will bring us further in this open dialogue we have since two years or so ago. Continue our relationship is what I want. And let there not fail us, as I say, hope.

Jose Cuadrado Morales

Monday, 4 July 2016


My life after the disease has been slowly squeezing my desire to make new things.

I have been slowly evolving but not in a good way. but I feel accompanied by the people around me, yet I feel alone on the problems that happen to me every day. It is a contradiction to live together but only once, eat this feeling inside me and not let me evolve as I wanted.
Many weekends I go out with my parents but I feel constant loneliness. I think this feeling has greatly influenced the fact of divorce and to see my son only on alternate weekends, days between these visits are eternal me. That little time I spend with him, squeeze as much as possible, but when it will invade me a deep sense of loneliness.
I love my life banish that feeling, but it seems impossible at the moment, overwhelms me, consumes me, makes me have negative thoughts and especially immobilizes me.
It is a feeling that can not be shared because people I have on my side do not understand that you can be with them and feel alone at a time.
I have a feeling that if I do not find this a couple next to me in those deeper feelings and understand, do not think you can eliminate.
I feel sometimes that can be thankless, because there are people who have no one and loneliness is forced, without possibility to change their situation.

On the other hand the help of professionals who are funneled I go in sickness and like trying to cure her, not engaged in the thought that comes over me and I can not deal with pills, therapy etc. ...

The few friends that I keep, it is very difficult for me to meet with them and not understand anything, and are within their lives with their homework.
Within this world around me, my life goes very monotone.
Every week look alike to me, without a new incentive in my life, the only lifeline is my son and hours I can be with him.
As I finish throwing a muffled cry about my situation and the desire to change this.
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