I've always had, since my parents died, one thing in mind. As you remember someone who is alive, you're still alive and will never die. I do not know if I've heard somewhere or I read in a book but I have inside me that conviction. I think, among other things, so every day I remember them and also have dreams constant where his figures appear, sometimes enigmatically, others wanting to say something, things that sometimes I understand and at other times, events beyond my interpretation, because although I do not think that dreams reveal the future, if I think I have something to do with what is happening to us at the time and therefore can be explained in a consistent manner, even if sometimes they seem have no meaning.
I think that when you die everything ends, that there is nothing else behind death and that there is no life beyond or another form of existence. So I like to believe in what I said before, what to remember loved ones who are still alive. My father or my mother did nothing that will be etched in the annals of history as if they have other characters that have passed to posterity. They will live as I remember them and I have in mind that this will be as alive. Now I have no children and no family burden, maybe that's why I think so.
I sleep well. I'm not scared of them always in memory and not give me any strange feeling when I wake up because they have dreamed of. Moreover, when some time passes and they do not appear in my dreams, I feel alone. Since my parents died relationship with my sisters is decreasing. We did not even call once a month or anything like that. When one of us gets into remorse then we remember our brothers and we call. That can take months. As seven or eight. Then the fact that I dream about my parents make me feel that time we were a family. I'm an asshole for thinking this, but it's all I have left.
I do not believe in the hereafter, or any other form of life that seems so important mark that has left one person over another and as this acts on it. We die and just everything. I am not Catholic, nor Buddhist, nor do I convince the doctrine of any religion. I think there must be something you have created all this, let's call it God, but I do not have to redeem us from our sins is not that the idea that nature conveys me and my powers of observation. I believe in ethics and morality, Principles, and whatever is the preservation of life. I believe in the rights and I also believe that models lesser evil government is democracy, but do not believe in a god as they have tried to sell me since I was little. I always hesitate.
I do not want this text is a statement of my convictions and not develop an essay on life and death. All this I wrote because I wanted to say one thing. Although it's been ten years and I've had a hard time in life (I have come to live on the street) I remember the love conveyed my mother and affection that my father used to talk to me. I lost my whole family. I have just contacted a cousin and a sister sporadically. More with my cousin with my sister and, really, when I needed I've had with me, despite her having her life and her family. But I can not forget or forgive, much as I try removing my conscience and trying to understand everything that happened that I ended up in the street, it is that my family leave me alone and as a result, live on the street.
Today is December 20 and nearly three months not drink alcohol or drugs ago. What better way to celebrate than remembering my parents. I've had a lot of help but nothing has served up a few months ago. He did not understand that I was an alcoholic for a long and in many ways that you explain to me. But today is not a day to look to the past but to the future, and try to achieve the ultimate goal. Having a normal life.
Pedro Sánchez Morilla
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